Baden Baden, Germany
Sixty of us gathered together to lift the veils. We came in as coaches, trainers, therapists, mothers, printers, pilots and more. We saw through the veils to what is untouched by all identity. We discovered what it is to be a true friend and the power of trance work to reveal and finish the unfinished business that keeps us clinging to our unresolved egoic identity even after many deep and profound realizations.
For me this event was coming full circle in the teaching as well. Before meeting my beloved, Papaji, the bestower of silence and liberator of all souls, I had spent a decade using trance work and the enneagram to facilitate waking up from the trance of personal identity.
Because of the response from the people, I see the usefulness of this work. As a result I will be incorporating Lifting the Veils and beyond into the U.S. Three Year Intensive. This started in August with very good results. Also, after this latest Baden Baden retreat I have been asked to start a Three Year Intensive in Baden Baden that will focus on passing on the insights and skills of this work. This will begin next September.
I could not have imagined being able to resume my teaching schedule in the condition my body was in two years ago. Or even less could I ever have imagined teaching Lifting the Veils.
By what mystery of the mind projection does it all retake its form and continue its play? It is a mystery filled with gratitude.
I am enclosing email correspondence between myself and someone who attended the retreat. I am also enclosing a few photos that I took of Baden Baden. (The baby just caught me as I was walking by).
In deep love and gratitude for all,
i want to share with you what is happening after the Retreat in Baden-Baden which was and still is such an overwhelming gift for me.
When I was sitting next to you, you told me about the nightmares which maybe could occur that night. And something really strange happened, not during my sleep, it was not a dream, because i woke up very early, around 3.30 am and i knew immediately after waking up from sleep now the "nightmares" which you mentioned would happen.
The state of consciousness shifted somehow and I found myself as a jew in a concentration camp during the second world war and i was walking with other jews to the gas chamber. but i was not going inside to die there because for what reason ever i just led the people inside knowing that they were going to die there. it was a kind of a "job" to do that knowing that if i would not do it i would going to die there also. after the death of the people in the chamber my "job" was also to bring the dead bodies out and to bring them to a place for burying. i dont know how long and often i did this "job", but finally i died like the other jewish people in the gas chamber.
after seeing this like a movie and at the same time being part of that movie it stopped and i got time to integrate that within me and to learn from it. suddenly i've understood all the deep deep guilt i was experiencing my whole life already, all the fear and panic of dying, all the feeling of chocking on something and having a lack of air. I've immedieately understood why i was so deeply connected with the Holocaust my whole life and why it moved me so deeply whenever i came in contact with. Why I felt all this guilt whenever I met jewish people.
After that a new movie started and i found myself in the middle ages putting to death for being a witch and tortured and dying for that. then i found myself incarnated as an insect and as a fish in the water and i got finally some insights seeing me in india sitting in a cave and deeply immerged in meditation. then the movie stopped again to give me the time to learn, to integrate what i have seen.
After seeing all that i knew deep in my heart for sure that this body, this mind, this emotions, this .... can never be what I really am. then the ordinary consciousness came back and i found myself back in maya, in leela, in trance but now with the deep and certain knowing what is real. It was mind-blowing and i will never be able to describe with words what i really saw and experienced there. Since this moment everything has changed inside of me and all i want is Truth. Everything else is beside the point.
Now after the retreat for me it seems as I had never left you since then or that you had never left me. for the first time i begin to "understand", not with my mind but with my heart, what it means that the teacher who appears in front of you is your own Self, seeing you, knowing you and loving you. because thats just what i experience with you. As my Self you are always with me and I´m always with you, there is no separation, no distance, only the same heart, the same love, the same consciousness, the same emptiness, the same silence. Oh wow!
And so all my worrying about what will happen when the retreat will be over and you are gone and i find myself back in the daily life and its activities and the worrying about loosing all the silence, the joy and love which i've found so deeply during the retreat, just dissolved and to my surprise and now to my great joy and bliss it even deepens more and more and i find myself really in awe for what is happening inside of me.
Of course the mind is also coming back with its thoughts and stories and fears but even that is for me just a teacher and a welcoming to go deeper and not as before something i have to be in war with. and that alone brings that much freedom, peace and stillness which i've never experienced before.
I become so bestowed and overwhelmed from my Self with silence and emptiness, with love and joy even when I'm in places which are completely crowded with people, noise or hectic and stressful life around me or when i find myself in really challenging and difficult situations and circumstances, so that i'm standing sometimes in tears of gratitude, love and joy about all these gifts I receive.
When I'm alone and at home or in nature for a walk the "I " dissolves more and more and then i see myself walking or sitting or doing whatever i do but it is not me who is doing all that, who is acting. theres nobody who performs all these things and activities, there are no activities, there are no objects with which i have to do anything. there's only emptiness, silence, peace, love and consciousness and out of that actions, thoughts or emotions arise. everything is perfect, theres nothing which should be different, nothing to fix, nothing to change, all is as it should be, everything is an expression of an overflowing love whatever form it takes, even the ugliest, the most disgusting one...
After all that its very painful to find myself back in the egoic mind, in the fear mind, in the life of the fixation, finding me back in betraying my Self and denying my Self again with doubts and fears and telling stories inside and not to be able of letting go completely. but as i told already i've stopped fighting with that and so it has started happening to find silence and stillness even in the old habits and in the tight states of the fear/egoic-mind and that discovering and experience is really mind-blowing. Silence is everywhere, nothing is seperated from it, it includes everything!
I thank you so much with all my heart and send you my deep deep love and gratitude
I am so happy to receive your report and your good news!
Thank you so much for letting me know.
I would like to post part of your email on our website as part of the reports from the European sangha. Is that OK with you?
You are an inspiration for all who meet you when your mind is silent and your heart is open.
In deep love and joy - Eli
But now the last one in this issue! ;-)
At first I did not want you to use my name. now take from the mail whatever might be useful for you with name or without name. it doesn't matter, it has anyway nothing to do with who i am.,but with your question i felt pride and arrogance arising in me, a kind of being special now and i thought without name it would not be there, it would disappear. but it didn't of course. ;-)
But it did when i stopped touching it, when i stopped giving it any meaning. then finally the arrogance and the pride and all the imaginary ideas of being special dissolved! following the thoughts I´m bonded in space and time, in me and mine, in concepts and ideas, in separation of me and you, in being happy and unhappy... if i don´t touch any thought, if i don´t allow the mind to land anywhere there is only space and emptiness and silence, there is not-knowing-anything, no concepts, no ideas, no future, no past, not even presence, there is total freedom, there is only Self, never changing, never coming or going, never dying. and this Self is everywhere, in every form, in every sound, in everything. everything is one, never separeted. trying to grasp it, to cling to it it will dissapear, I can only BE that. What a revelation!
Thank you so much for this beautiful test! ;-)
In deep love,